Have you heard about the man who can’t even “buy” a date?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Dating, Single Dads, Tips & Advice
Our hearts go out to that dear so-called Dateless Doc who once offered a $200,000 bounty for a wife.
According to the New York Post, Scarsdale skin specialist Paul Dantzig is now telling a matchmaker he previously sued that “it wasn’t you, it was me.”
Dantzig, 59, had sued Janis Spindel in 2001, accusing her of having cheated him out of $50,000 for setting him up with “a stable” of women he had “little or nothing in common with.”
Now he has emailed Sindel, begging her to take him back.
Spindel countersued for defamation, saying the women weren’t the problem – he was.
“He was a very angry man – negative, negative, negative,” she complained.
Dantzig now admits that his suit was “frivolous” and “a terrible mistake” – and that Spindel was right about him being a downer.
He added that he’s a changed man since becoming a single father via a surrogate three years ago.
“Everything’s better now,” Dantzig told The Post. “Fatherhood has mellowed me. It’s made me a better man.”
Nonetheless, Dantzig is still single — and looking for love.
While we’d love to tease this dear single dad for begging his matchmaker to take him back (why not try Match.com or eHarmony, Doc?), that’s not the point.
The point is: anger and negativity are a definite turn off. Have you ever dated someone like this?
So, how do you know if you’re emotionally ready to date?
Obviously, it’s not about having ready cash.
Cleaning out your closets — and purging stuff from your ex — is a great start.
But what next?
How do you know if you’re emotionally available? Do you have a certain litmus test?
We’d love to know.
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Twitter @ http://www.ptlawmom.com
I just blogged about the 38 year old single dad I broke up with because of his anger issues. He pulled his pants down and yelled at me in a parking lot In Front Of His Daughter!! (And it took me two more months to break it off…) Some men have some major immaturity issues. And apparently some women, like me, keep picking them. I could spend hours on my abusive, jealous, controlling, insecure ex-husband but I won’t. The kick in the head is that I picked them. And what does that say about me? Can’t handle an adult? Need to have someone to blame if I want to escape the relationship? Many theories…
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
The only rule of thumb I follow is to not date a man who has been divorced less than two years. (for the purposes of finding a lasting relationship, that is)
I don’t think men or women are ready for a relationship before then, especially if they were married a long time. We all need a couple years to adjust to being single again and date around a bit before we are ready to settle down with one person.
I attended a “Divorce Recovery” group after mine where this was discussed, and the success rate of remarriages within 2 years of a divorce was something like 2%. I think that applies to relationships as well.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
PT-LawMom: I got a pick stuck on “he pulled his pants down…” What???
Good for you for honoring yourself. We all make mistakes, believe me.
MindyMom: I also ave that divorce rule under my belt. I’ve learned the hard way. A Divorce Recovery group sounds like a GREAT idea!
And the rest of you? How do you know if you’re emotionally ready to get back out there?
Twitter @ http://badmummynocookie.com
I think I’ll be ready to date (as in really date, instead of just killing time with someone) when I stop viewing men as someone I may have to take care of.
bad mummy: Do you mean take care of as in ….whoops, more laundry or do you mean emotionally…like another kid to take care of?
I think men and women can have anger issues. They can have emotional hangups, control issues, narcissistic tendencies, the list is endless.
The important thing is to approach people with compassion, and understand we are all doing our best based on the unique experiences we have each been through.
Would I date someone with anger issues? No. Have I? Yes. I learned my lesson on that count.
I don’t think you can put a “one year” or “two year” on it. I know my grief – particularly around the loss my children suffered – took longer than I thought (I’ll let you know when it’s completely over.)
I’d been divorced little over a year when I started out very slowly on first dating. When I look back, I probably wasn’t completely ready emotionally. My marriage ended suddenly, traumatically, and my kids and I were abandoned really. I went on those early dates feeling much like I had ghosts riding along with me. Then again – - I now understand some of the “ghosts” are basically my homies now. They are indelible marks on me, from losing my husband. One or two of them aren’t going anywhere. I am a different girl now and my experience as a suddenly-single mom is etched on my character. Part of me will always be her, no matter how married, how secure, how old.
So – finally, the guy I barely felt ready to start dating turned out to be an amazing man, and he fell in love with my somewhat-wounded kids also. He is now my soon-to-be husband (3 years post my divorce).
I am glad I listened to my instinct and allowed myself to open up to the possibility of love in my life again. It was hard to do at the time but maybe if I said “Nope, I need ____ years” I would have shut the door on something really good.
Sometimes you just gotta dive the h*ll back in.
Grief has no timetable as you so aptly stated. “Ghosts as homies” …that is simply priceless. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Attempting to quantify when a person is ready isn’t possible. Two years after a divorce might be a good rule of thumb, but there are so many variables, it won’t apply to most people. There will always be happy couples who met while one or both were married or in another relationship and there will be failed relationships even though there was very little baggage. The exception is the rule. It’s another reason why I dislike the lists of requirements for a date…
I understand how this would raise many red flags. However, I must say, a dinner party of mine may be made up of a similar equation.
I would go. You have nothing to lose and you will immediately feel if there are underlying dynamics there. Are his “friends” threatened by you or do they embrace you. If they embrace you and go out of their way, I would say that is a pretty decent indicator that he is a good guy, with friends that care about him. Now, he may have some sort of intimacy issues are something … but not sure . . .
interesting. good luck
attainingme’s last blog post..Is this just me?
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
Right now, a man just sounds like one more thing I’d have to nurture. Not interested.
April’s last blog post..X Chronicles continued
Twitter @ http://www.solomother.com
I dated a guy for a year, knowing he wasn’t the right one, listening to his hurt and rage at the loss of his marriage. Waiting for him to lighten up, stop being so negative, stop bitching about organic food and bad drivers and just about everything else under the sun… until finally I realized… this guy is the way he is, and I’m not going to put up with that for the rest of my life.
I hope he gets over it all and finds a sense of humor again, but he’s not going to be my next project!
Solomother’s last blog post..When, exactly, should you go to the doctor?