Eharmony actaully matched me with a guy who ended up being a Nigerian scam artist! He was supposedly an art dealer from an affluent town near me. His photos was of a very handsome man. I noticed his written English was not very fluid. He explained that away by claiming that he was raised in South Africa. Next thing I know, he is on an art purchasing trip to Nigeria, and he suppsoedly gets mugged, and ends up in the hospital. He starts e-mailing me saying he has no passport or money. I was onto his scam by then, and asked how he was e-mailing me if his laptop was stolen. when I eventually called him out, he tried to e-mail a virus to my computer. I took a break from eharmony after that incident.

Tracey, that’s unbelievably shocking. I really hope that you reported this to eHarmony and they caught him. Yes?

Tracey: What a wretched story! Did you notify eHarmony?

BTW, I have “closed” many matches because their grammar/spelling did not ring true given what they said was their occupation. That kind of “mismatch” is another red flag, for sure.

Yes, I did report him to eHarmony. A few days after i closed the match, I got an e-mail from eharmony about another match I hadn’t really looked at yet. They had identified the other match as either the same guy or a similar scam artist. I had never met the guy or even spoken to him on the phone. It was amazing to me that he would expect me to send him money. I asked him in my last message why he wasn’t asking for help from family or friends who actually knew him. The question was more for myself I guess - are there women who wouldn’t question why they - complete strangers really - were this guy’s only option for help?
You are definitely right about that sixth sense. So many little things just didn’t seem right about him.

How bout people that don’t look a thing like their pictures I hear about that happening more often then not…

I don’t have any stories. I have gone on a few of the free sites just to test the waters. My favorite are the guys who take personal offense to you not being interested and spout off a long email about how great they are and such and how bad I am for not being interested. They must be the same guys that (before I met my ex husbands) would ask me to dance in a club and when I would say ‘No thanks’ they would go off about how it was just a dance and get upset.

I can deal with separated, but married? That’s creepy. Do they think someone is going to be interested in a person who cheats? And I thought it was bad enough dealing with smoker who claimed they didn’t. Or the lady who’s pictures had to be from 15 year earlier.

Look for profiles with more than just two pictures. I found they tend to be better representations.

Hello… found this entry because I am an eHarmony success story (but not one you’ve seen on TV). Looks like an interesting blog.

Two things I wanted to comment on…

“Always listen to your intuition. Remember: you’re looking for a man, not a project.”

That is one of THE most important things to keep in mind. You CAN’T really change a guy, especially a “boy”. If HE wants to change and is motivated to (and it was HIS idea), you CAN help him. But remember if you commit to him, you are accepting him AS-IS. Should he mature? Yes, but it doesn’t mean he will. He’ll get physically older and perhaps out of shape, but otherwise don’t count on him changing.

“Of course, we’re all looking for sex, passion, intimacy, and love making — but beware of those words in a profile.”

Actually, no, not everyone is looking for all of those things. You’d hope someone who bothers spending the time and money on eHarmony would be looking for intimacy. But not even all of those people are looking for sex, passion, or love making. Some people don’t like sex all that much, believe it or not. I’m not like that, but I know people who are like that. And as a man, I can tell you that sometimes it is necessary to be VERY upfront and clear about a need for regular, enthusiastic sex, even if it is agreed that it won’t happen until later. Some women will STILL ignore that after we make that clear, but at least we will be justified when we tell them why we are getting out.

M; Two or more pictures - great idea!

Ken: Congrats on your success. We’d all like to hear more “good news” about online dating. Very interesting perspective on “upfront about sex”. I never thought about it that way. Thanks!

I’ve had the same experience that Apples describes above. Amazing how many men think cussing you out for not being interested will get them anywhere. Like strongarming you into a date is going to work? Abuser, control freak, no thanks. Then of course there are the guys that send obvious form letters they have sent to masses of women hoping for a response, and then you get it again two weeks later! LOL.

Golly but I’m glad I’m not doing the online dating thing anymore. Funny thing is, the man I’m dating now was actually someone I passed by on Match because he was too young and lived too far away from me.

Silly me.

But I often passed someone up because he couldn’t write well, or spell. On the other end of the spectrum, I got snookered a couple of times by eloquent writers who turned out to be legends in their own minds.

Blerg.

Quick somewhat pointless edit, Husband… Not husbandS! I am getting ahead of myself a bit LOL!

[...] Recently, Dr. Leah wrote about the truly startling pictures she’d seen on eHarmony. [...]

I tried eHarmony, chemistry.com, match.com, yahoo personals, salon.com, craigslist. Online dating is a great way to meet random strangers for coffee, but a terrible way to start a new relationship.

eHarmony in particular sets hopes and expectations sky high (it’s the place to meet your committed life partner!), only to have them fall like a rock. TIME magazine named eHarmony one of the 5 Worst Websites of 2007.

http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/09/29/online-dating-expectations/

That said, if you want to learn more about yourself, gain confidence, try new experiences, etc. Online dating is an effective tool for meeting people who, on paper, seem to have similar interests. And that can make a good starting point. (I find it’s more effective to meet people to date long-term through friends.)

Like Dr. Leah says, though - watch out for liars and creeps. It’s not just men who lie online - there are married women seeking affairs, women who lie about their age and weight, women looking for free meals, women who need a financial rescue or green card. Men and women both shade the truth to make themselves appear more attractive.

I like the guy I’m about to boot because his profile says he never smokes, but he has a cigarette in his fingers in one of his pictures… Maybe he’s quit, but my gut says that no, he’s just a liar.

Yes, the ones that are struggling with spelling and grammar are my pet peeves. Also, the ones who contact you and are the exact ‘opposite’ of what you are describing in your profile.

Let’s not forget the ones that contact you, yet have nothing written in their profiles except “just ask if you have any questions.”

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