Our advice for Jon and Kate
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Tips & Advice
Jon and Kate, formerly reality TV’s power couple, have announced that they’re splitting up.
At first, both of us were fascinated by these eight adorable kids, one hapless dad, and a dominating, super-organized mom. But now that we’ve watched this reality TV family’s pain become real, we’re concerned.
By now, you’ve heard Jon’s announcement last night: “Kate and I have decided to separate.”
Single parenthood can be daunting — especially when you willingly live your life in the media glare. We’d love to offer Jon and Kate some advice as they go their separate ways:
Mean it when you say, “The kids come first.” Both of you have said and done some incredibly insensitive and thoughtless things. Jon, apparently you are apartment-shopping in Manhattan. Say what? Why would you choose to live so far from your kids? Please focus on what’s best for your kids.
Rethink your life priorities. This is a big part of the single parent experience. It’s time for both of you to start thinking about “our kids.” Kate, we’ve heard you say often, “My kids” This is not helpful. Please must tone it down and allow Jon an equal parental role. Your kids need all the love, support, and guidance you can offer.
Save for your kids’ futures. You live off the work of your kids. Jon was quoted in People: “Every time a season renewal comes up, we always have a family discussion. Our kids are 80 percent of our family, and if they don’t want to film, we’re not filming.” So, your eight kids sit at a family meeting and get 80% of the vote on the financial future of your family? Get real. Make sure your kids have ample funds tucked away for their future needs like college.
Be responsible parents. Both of you have provided ample evidence that you’ve cheated on each other. How embarrassing and confusing for your kids to see all the headline tabloid speculation about your alleged infidelities. Everything is archived on the Internet. If the kids don’t know now, they surely will know later. All single parents deserve a private life, but responsible parenting comes first. You’ve chosen a public life. Accept the situation you’ve created and strive for discretion and privacy for your kids’ sake.
Work to co-parent together. You employ a small army of nannies, production assistants, and publicity agents. Forget the guest shot on Dr. Phil. Commit to work with qualified psychologists and get busy with the hard work of co-parenting. Clearly, communication will be your greatest challenge.
We’d love to know: what advice can you offer Jon and Kate?
~~~
Editorial update on Tues. afternoon:
According to US Magazine, “Production has been halted on Jon & Kate Plus 8 following the Gosselins’ Monday revelation they’re splitting up, the network has announced.”
~~~
Photo from PRphotos.com
|
Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
|
Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
Related posts:
- My ex-wife is moving away. Advice? We’re always so honored to hear from fathers at Singlemommyhood! Recently one of our longtime readers, Steve, reached out to...
- Any advice on breastfeeding? Both of us breastfed for a time. That was a while back and our circumstances were different. So, when we...
Follow Singlemommyhood on Twitter
Dr. Leah, I have to agree with you 100% infact I don’t watch the show at all because the idea makes me sick to my stomach.
In regards to their college educatiosn though… I do think that the state they were born in (forget which one it was) after they got the show and it became a success agreed to pay for college for ALL the kids. Wish they’d do that for my child… sorry don’t mean to be bitter there, however they get an education is great because everyone deserves higher education in my not so humble opinion.
Also for co-parenting… I love the advice you gave. I wish that all parents would take that advice. It took my ex getting remarried for him to finally learn how to half way co-parent. When co-parenting we are talking about successfully parenting together not saying you co-parent because you have joint custody and there is a difference. Dr. Phil also drives me bonkers so I’m so glad you told them to can that and seek the help of a REAL professional. Kuddos for that.
Overall, great advice for any parents who are going down this road.
As for Jon & Kate its time to hang up the media circus and focus on the kids, find a way to make money that doesn’t exploit your children so you can support them. They are financing their own lives and futures at the moment… let them be kids. You wanted them now let them have a normal life.
Kari’s last blog post..What kind of parent (or single parent really…) are you?
I have never watched an episode. I know enough from the media blather (new word I made up) to understand what’s going on with those two. Sadly, I caught an episode of American Chopper where they built a bike for Jon and a scooter for Kate. Seeing the dynamic that goes on between those two, it’s amazing they lasted this long. They made their bed in the public eye. They need to sleep in it now. Sadly, those 8 kids are affected by it all and really had no say so in the matter. It’s Hollywood, that has impacted real lives. I have no sympathy for Jon or Kate.
PS – you’d think the show would have sprung for a hair stylist for Kate…just sayin…
i used to watch the show, pre-drama. i thought it was cute (and VERY crazy) to have all those kids. i always tried to imagine my son X 8 and i came to the conclusion that i’d murder myself LOL. but seriously, who couldn’t see this announcement coming? and, i guess, i was kinda like “oh well…it’s not the end of the world.” Kate sounded like it was the end of the world, and to some extent it IS the end of the world as she knows it, but it’s certainly not impossible. she’s hardly “alone” in raising those kids, as she said…”she doesn’t want to do it alone.”
i dunno, as single parents they’ve got tons of help & income to provide for the kids. so they’re one up on the rest of us! i don’t wish this situation on any child. my parents divorced when i was in the 8th grade & i cried and cried when my mom first broke the news, but i knew deep down it was for the best. it’s up to Jon & Kate to make sure their children grow up whole and loved and not affected too much by this ordeal. let’s hope they can REALLY “put the kids first.”
PS–Bill, you’re dead on. her asymmetric mullet is killing me.
theprisonerswife’s last blog post..the do-over
Twitter @ iswirls
I have mixed emotions on this. I couldn’t believe Kate doesn’t understand why Jon wants a divorce. I’m not there.. but you can see the signs of body language for years.
But I’m sure some where along the way, Jon wants to establish himself and his manhood again. Away from the controlling eye of Kate. Even though he is moving away to NYC.. I’m sure he will be an active parent. And now that the courts are involved.. you never know what is ahead for child custody & visitation.
I was hoping that they gave up the show to save their marriage and relationship. But at 70k per episode.. I’m sure that’s a tough thing to do.
I’m sure we’ll see them on some VH1 behind the story.. how my reality star parents screwed up my life.
Eathan’s last blog post..Lessons Learned, Jon & Kate
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
I agree that they’re one up on the rest of us. I wouldn’t, however, question where Jon is going to live. The house is going to be shared by both of them, and they’ll each be there when one of them isn’t. There’s obviously more work available in NYC than in their town, so Jon’s decision makes sense to me. I think he really wants to work again, and he’s got a better chance at that living in NY, and commuting when it’s his time with the kids.
I am concerned about their decision to both be there on the holidays. It sounds great, sure, but I think that will be very confusing for the kids. They’ll get their hopes up that, hey, both Mom and Dad are here for Thanksgiving so maybe they’ll work it out. Yes, it does kind of suck to not be with the kids on a certain holiday, but it can also work out where the kids have two holidays. I think not wanting to give up any of the holidays is selfish on the parents’ part. I want to say on Kate’s part, but Jon went along with it, too.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@Eathan, That’s what we’re most concerned about most, too: the kids, especially as they get older and the cameras still follow them daily. Indeed, “How my reality star parents screwed up my life.”
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@April: Yes, we see your point re: Jon wanted to work again and have some space. Thanks.
Hopefully, he’ll keep up his end of the agreement and be reliable when it’s his turn to be “on” with the kids. Yes?
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@Bill “The media blather”… love it! So true.
And you certainly cracked us up with, “you’d think the show would have sprung for a hair stylist for Kate…just sayin…”
Twitter @ singledadlife
This Jon and Kate stuff makes me sick! What a surprise, family trouble in the household with cameras and exploiting their kids. I watched about 15 seconds by mistake flipping though channels. Any parent that would allow their children’s lives to be “created” in the false arena of a reality tv show, in the name of greed, needs to be…well. Will stop there.
I feel very sorry for the kids because their parents put them in this situation. As far as Jon and Kate, they deserve all the misery they brought onto themsselves.
Barry’s last blog post..My Dad is the Real Dad
For anyone who confuses “reality tv” for reality instead of the bad fiction that it acutally is – the divorce papers showed that they have been living apart for 2 years already.
@Phil I just read that myself. Wow. Two years. Reality TV – not so real. Thanks for alerting us.
Since bloggers are writers, and many of you have published books, you should be the most offended by reality TV. In drama shows on TV, the writers run the show – more so than film where the directors are the boss.
The reason reality TV is popular is all about economics. The TV producers figured out a way to save a lot of money by firing most of the writing staff. Anyone can sketch out the next “plot” for each episode. The details get worked out in editing.
More reality shows = less writing jobs.
I’ll get off my soapbox…again.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Phil, please stay on your soapbox. Clearly, you’ve done your homework. And we appreciate hearing your thoughts — keep us on our toes, please.
My advice:
1. Therapy
2. Cancel the show…forever…
3. Get out of media…everywhere…
Honestly, we have all forgotten the Loudes’ divorce, the original reality tv family. We will all forgot about the the 8 if they really decide to put their kids first and not their wealth and fame.