Does this pregnancy make me look fat?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Contests, Single Moms, Tips & Advice
Yes, that described us when we were pregnant, too! Would you also include yourself in those statistics?
Thanks to two women — Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei — for starting this important conversation in their new book, Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby.
The authors interviewed more than 400 women for this body image guide aimed at expectant moms, new mothers, and women considering starting a family. A little about what they learned:
Less than 25% of women with histories of body image issues, disordered eating or diagnosed eating disorders discuss those histories with their OBs or midwives.
Headlines about celebrity “bump watch” and post-baby weight loss makeovers have more than doubled in the last decade, and all those messages about “getting your body back” are putting pretty intense pressure on many women.
We’re thrilled to get this much-needed conversation started here. Every woman deserves to feel good about herself — and to pass along healthy attitudes about weight and body image to her children.
Claire Mysko is the author of the book for tween girls, You’re Amazing! A No-Pressure Guide to Being Your Best Self. She was also the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association.
Magali Amadei has appeared on the covers and pages of every major fashion magazine in the world, including Vogue, Glamour, Marie Claire, Cosmo, Elle. As a result of her battle with and victory over bulimia, Magali became the world’s first top model to tour nationally and tell her story on behalf of an eating disorders organization. In 2005, she gave birth to a daughter.
Claire and Magali are giving away copies of Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? to TWO readers!
Here’s how to enter:
- If you’re pregnant and want to vent, please do!
- If you’re a mom who remembers worrying about your weight/body image, please share your thoughts.
- Also, dads, you’re welcome to enter! Do you remember your child’s mother experiencing similar anxieties?
This contest is running through Oct. 20.
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Twitter @ BigLittleWolf
Sadly, the reality of post-pregnancy bodies is a factor in many lives. I didn’t worry so much about the “during,” but the after was difficult. And especially, years after, as a single mom competing in a nipped-and-tucked world – including to accommodate the after-kids physique.
Good men will love you no matter what. But we went round and round on this topic (on several blogs), in discussing older men and younger women, as well as cosmetic surgery to make us “sex-worthy,” which is often the option taken by somewhat older moms, when they get back in the dating game.
None of that should take away from the joy of carrying and giving life. And I wouldn’t trade the experience of parenthood for anything. But there are body image and body realities that remain problematic in our country. I don’t have a good answer, only concerns, and questions.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Hard dates, soft dates, and other such matters…
I had the opposite problem as I had a tough time gaining weight then went into pre-term labor at 32 weeks. The doctor was able to “pause” my labor for an additional 4 weeks through hospitalization and medication and save my daughter’s life. While I was hospitalized I lost 7 of the 18 lbs that I had managed to gain up to that point. I delivered a premature but healthy 5 lb baby girl. I walked out of the hospital weighing 2 lbs LESS than I weighed when I found out I was pregnant. One of the nurses said “Honey get ready for women to hate you.” She was right. They did. It was early June and I was back in my pre-baby body in 48 hours. I wasn’t happy about it, I wasn’t relieved, I wasn’t proud. What I was, was ridiculed, insulted and confussed by the way people were responding to my post baby body. I wore baggy clothes to make myself look “chubby”. Why do women do this to each other? I could have lost my child and not one woman/fellow mother was considerate of my feelings.
The snarky bitter tongued comments were filled with resentment.
I would have gladly feasted on ice cream and mexican food as so many of my friends were able to do. I would have traded the weight loss to carry home a healthier, chubby, full term baby. I would have been happy to struggle with those last 10 lbs while breast feeding; which I was unable to do.
I had never had a weight issue in my life or any sort of condition related to weight. I had never had a baby before. All of this was so forgein to me and to be treated with such bitterness by other moms was deeply hurtful to my already fragile psyche. Her father to this day acts as if I planned the whole thing, like I had the “magic key” to not gaining weight during pregnancy. No one seemed to be on my side but my OB and my mother.
I make it a point now to praise all my new mom friends on how beautiful their post baby bodies are, look at the miracle they just created. Nothing is more beautiful or sacred and no woman should be robbed of that feeling.
Wow, Amy, thank you for sharing your story. I’ve never heard a woman talk about pregnancy weight from this perspective, and reading your article will make me even more cautious and aware of supporting women in and after pregnancy, regardless of their weight gain or lack thereof. Thanks.
Alison
Amy: “Snarky bitter tongued comments filled with resentment” . . . how sad when women lash out so unmercifully at other women. How wonderful that your OB and mom were so supportive. Babies are miracles. And you’re so right. All post baby bodies should be celebrated. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I agree with Alison Trainer. This is a perspective we seldom consider.
ooh Amy, I understand what you mean. I never looked pregnant, even at nine months and everyone commented on it. Someone accused me of lying, of not really being pregnant. The funny thing is I was looking forward to the whole being pregnant experience, since it would me my first and only go around.
By the sixth month, I ended up on bedrest for the next three months because she threatened to come early. I made it to 37 weeks. She was a full term, health girl, even at 5 lbs 9 ounces.
The weight just dropped after the pregnancy. Honestly, it had more to do with stress than anything. I had a beautiful baby girl, but my life, financially, professionally and personally was in chaos. People didn’t see the stress. They just saw the weight lost, and at one point I was called a bitch – in that joking, but not really joking manner. Eventually, I just tuned them out. I had no other choice if I was to survive.
Amy so sorry you had to go through such an experience, it’s not fun.
Nicole´s last blog ..Perfectly Imperfect Day
This was and somewhat remains an issue for me. My son’s father left me because he thought I was too fat when I hit the 5 month mark. When actually that’s when I started to show. I had still fit into my regular clothes up until my 8th month of pregnancy.
It’s still an issue today since I am a single mom and still carry the baby weight though now I’m working hard to lose it. I just feel like no man will want me until I lose that weight.
Restless Mama´s last blog ..The Office made me cry.
Restless Mama, Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Wow, I’d like to give that ex of yours a piece of my mind. Here’s the thing, though: He might have told you that it was your weight that caused him to leave, but I don’t buy it.
Sadly, there are some men out there who are shaming and critical of women’s bodies. What’s important to remember–and we write about this in the book–is that for those guys, a superficial fixation on their partner’s weight is really about the weight of their OWN issues. And it sure sounds like your ex fits that bill.
It’s easy to understand how you might feel like it’s your size that’s preventing you from meeting the right person after what you went through. But don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you’ll gain confidence the minute you lose the baby weight. Believe me, I spent way too many years obsessed with the numbers on the scale and I can tell you that there is no magic goal weight that’s the ticket to happiness. The real ticket is self-respect. No one who makes you feel anything less than beautiful (no matter what size you are!) deserves to be with you. After all, successful relationships aren’t built on a foundation of pounds and ounces.
Good luck with everything! I’m looking forward to checking out your blog.
Claire Mysko´s last blog ..Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? is in stores now!
I gained 20 lbs throughout my whole pregnancy and my daughter was actually a day late. I was super small and it was a good thing for me and yes I seen other women jealous of how small I was and I felt lucky cause I was just belly. I got home from the hospital and tried on my prepregnancy clothes and they were a little tight. Then about a week later I was 6 lbs lighter than when I first got pregnant. I was so grateful that I didnt have to exercise to lose any weight. I breastfed for 8 months and that helped me.
Twitter @ aljolynn
Thanks Clare. It’s funny how I know what kind of guy I want to meet in life and I know that I won’t put up with any bullshit but I still don’t think I can get there without shedding some serious poundage. It’s so crazy to think like that but it’s very difficult for me to get over that. I’m pretty much a confident person except for when it comes to potential suitors. Hoping that I can get over it.
As for my son’s father – he does indeed have some MAJOR issues to work out. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.
I’m looking forward to buying the book…or maybe winning.
Restless Mama´s last blog ..Pushing the date(s)
I would like to enter to win the book, although I am not-yet pregnant. I think this book would help me a lot because one of the major reasons I have put off having kids is due to fears about my weight. I have recently embraced Intuitive Eating and have been working hard to let go of my “fantasy of being thin”. However, I’m now at my highest weight ever and I can’t help but fear the unknown of what will happen when I get pregnant. It’s so hard to imagine myself gaining more weight, even to have a child. Rationally, I know this is crazy and that being a bigger mom is not the worst thing in the world! But, I have to admit that emotionally, I’m still working on coming to peace with the reality. Thanks for doing the give-away!
Healthy Amelia: Welcome to singlemommyhood. Thanks for sharing so openly your worries, which BTW, are definitely not uncommon. Please visit us again soon.