When your ex is the “fun dad”

“Not Fun Mom” recently wrote to us:

“I split up with my ex shortly after our daughter turned two.  Our arrangement for the last year has been shared custody — one week at my house, then one week at Dad’s house.

Everything with “Dad” is fun and games. He is self-employed with extremely flexible hours so there is no “morning rush” to get her to day care.  After day care, he has plenty of time to play with her.  He’s not unlike an overgrown kid, which certainly contributed big time to our break-up.

My job is stressful with long hours. When I pick her up from day care, it’s a race to get home, make dinner, and do the bed and bath routine.  Of course, getting her to day care in the morning is also a hectic rush since lateness at work is not tolerated. On top of my work responsibilities, I am also the parent who leads the toilet training, buys all her clothes, and schedules every doctor appointment.

I am so exhausted that I just can’t get into the rough and tumble and imaginative play she so enjoys with her dad.

Our daughter lights up at the thought of being with her dad and, frankly… not so much at the prospect of spending time with me.

So, my question is . . .

Should I reconsider our custody arrangement and give Dad more time with her since he apparently has the time and energy to make her happy?”

Since you asked … Dr. Leah replies.

It really does sound like you have a lot on your plate.

Since “Fun Dad” is also “Mr. Flexible,”

Why isn’t he taking his fair share of parenting responsibilities?  For example, what if Dad scheduled and attended the pediatrician appointments?

Why should “Fun Dad” get to skip the difficult responsibilities like standing by as your child is inoculated?  He also won’t be stressed like you are when the doctor is behind schedule (always!). The same goes for clothes shopping and other such tasks.  Getting a preschooler to try on shoes and clothes… it’s not necessarily easy.

Sharing in the drudgery will more fairly balance the work load — and give him the opportunity to be a parent rather than simply a glorified playground buddy.

With some burdens lifted, you may find that you do have the time and energy to enjoy playing with your daughter. Consider these suggestions before making such a drastic change in your daughter’s parenting time schedule.

Can you relate to this dilemma?

Do you have more advice you might offer “Not fun mom”?

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