Your kids get all the love and attention — but how about you?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Tips & Advice
We wish we could say that a few months into single motherhood, we smiled, got back on our feet, and started dating again.
But that would be a downright lie.
Dr. Leah, the newly single mom of two young children, put every ounce of energy into completing a doctoral program in psychology in record time. Rachel set out to build her freelance publishing clientele, thanks to all the editing work she’d done in Manhattan pre-baby.
Each of our kids got all the love, attention, and cuddling they needed to keep them healthy and happy. Focusing on our kids and our careers was the right move.
But, how about focusing on us?
Let’s just say that we didn’t get out much, unless it was to the grocery store or the playground.
Both of us tried to show others that we had our acts together; Dr. Leah was smart enough to wear lipstick, but she did not feel attractive. Rachel was still wearing lip balm, and not even every day. We certainly didn’t date.
Secretly, we thought of sex as something we used to do — but did not do anymore. It was easy to feel that way since we rarely felt any strong urges other than an inescapable desire for sleep. At the time, neither of us knew any other single mothers.
There was no manual (after all, Dr. Leah was yet to write The Complete Single Mother).
And, definitely, nothing like this very single parenting site —to guide us.
Do you relate?
If you’re a new single parent — or perhaps you’re in the middle of a divorce — we’d love to hear from you.
Of course, you’re focusing on your kids and your careers. But how about you?
We’d love to hear one thing you’ve done for yourself recently. It can be as small sneaking off to read a book — not Good Night Moon for the millionth time! — or as extravagant as getting a massage.
Let’s hear it!
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Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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Well as a single dad, with 50% custody or more, last Saturday I asked my ex to take care of my son for that day so that I could go mountain bike riding for a few hours. Just being out in nature, especially after the rains when the air smells fresh and clean and there was mud everywhere. It was a real treat.
What a great, validating question. This week I have my book club whose women members are mainly in their 60s, so I am surrounded by maternal warmth and sassy women who speak their minds.
Blessings!
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Jeff: It’s so great to hear from a mountain-biking single dad. Thanks, and good for you for taking the time to bike!
Christy: Wow, I can only imaging how engaging your book club is. Fun!
Christy: Hoping you’ll share some of that accumulated wisdom from your book club! What are you reading?
I am a single mom by choice, so I have my daughter with me all the time. It makes for very little me time.
But this weekend, I am having a spa day with four girlfriends. I have not splurged on myself like that since becoming a mom. And I have a New Year’s resolution to start dating again, but we will have to see if I keep it . . . .
I carved out FOUR HOURS to myself this week to write 15 pages of a novel I’ve thought about for the past year about how we all personally need to EVOLVE, consciously, deliberately, by finding the energy that moves us: creative, sexual, spiritual.
Twitter @ http://www.ptlawmom.com
I have been extraordinarily stressed lately so I have been indulging in weekly massages. Made a deal with a part-time masseuse that he would charge me the half-hour rate for a full hour if I come every week.
I’ve also given myself permission to spend money on
quality toys rather than the cheapo stuff I used pre-marriage. That helps me have “me time” even when I can’t leave the house because my son is sleeping down the hall.
PT-LawMom: You certainly deserve better than cheap . . .good for you! Great idea about the massage and how clever to negotiate a better rate by being reliable weekly.
Mikki: Good for you that you’re starting a novel! Keep us posted; we’re passionate about evolving.
Today I am taking time for myself to read THIS blog!! I love it. I work for a non profit and we telecommute on Fridays. Most Friday’s I go and volunteer at my son’s school but today I’m chilling out, polishing my nails, picking out an outfit to wear to an awards dinner tonight. Wow! I do have a life…I’m actually going out without my son, hurraaay for me! My birthday is next week,and I’ve already planned for next Friday I will have a nice long pedicure. After that I will have a leisurely lunch, and do a little shopping. That same evening is Parent’s Night Out at my son’s school, and I am planning to go out for drinks with some friends. Wow 2 Fridays in one month…I’m on a roll here. I can’t believe it
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Adrienne,
You ARE on a roll! What an inspiring comment: two Fridays in a row for me-time, with a dinner out, pedicure, your birthday lunch. You go!!