What happened to your wedding album?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under All, Relationships
We know that all of you are working hard to create the lives you deserve.
For many of you, that begins with decluttering and purging out our your “marriage museum.” You’ve told us exactly how you have disposed those “souvenirs” from your past relationship.
But one “souvenir” seems to stump many of you: What do you do with your wedding album?
Wedding albums can be painful reminders about unfulfilled hope. Yet, these family pictures are priceless — and your kids seem to love to look through them.
We understand. Some of the purging is pretty easy. You toss out that dried-out cosmetics and expired food because there’s no emotional attachment, right?
Yet, we know how emotionally draining it is to throw something out – finally – that you thought you’d treasure forever.
We feel privileged and honored that you share so many personal feelings with us. You’ve let us know that displaying (or not) your ex’s family pictures is a sensitive issue. And there’s certainly not a one-size-fits-all solution to this dilemma.
It can be easy to talk about decluttering. We’ve gone on the record to say that clutter is THE enemy of all the good things (including great sex!) that YOU deserve. But where do you really start when it comes to something as precious as the photos from your wedding day?
Still, some stuff seems to stick to our souls. Say, a ticket stub, a Valentine’s Day card, or love note on a post-it.
And that’s where your wedding album comes in. We’d love to know:
Do you leave your wedding album out — and available– for the kids’ sake? Or do you hide it away for your sake?
Frankly, we’re not sure. So, that’s why we’re asking you…What happened to your wedding album?
(Photo courtesy of L7Designs via Flickr)
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I had gotten rid of everything after we separated. I thought I was going to have a stroke doing it, but got it done. However reading your entry I never thought if my son would want some of his history or would it just be a painful reminder for him too.
Mike´s last blog ..Halloween Stuff
I’m still wondering what to do with the ring.
Twitter @ laurenmli
Mine is in my office at work bc my girlfriends who didn’t know me married asked to see it. I plan to keep it. But then, I don’t really have any hard feelings about the split. I struggle more with what to do with the preserves wedding dress and the ring.
Lauren´s last blog ..Are you kidding me!?
Twitter @ http://www.singlemomsaves.com
I never really had a wedding album, and my ex and I were only married for one and a half years. But recently, I archived all of our memories (photos, wedding video, dress, and ring)and placed them in a photo box that is sitting on the top shelf in my closet.
A while back, I had created a photo album for my son that contains pictures of us when we were married. He calls these his important pictures and keeps them on his nightstand, so if he ever wants to see them, he can.
I think it’s great to keep the memories, but they don’t have to be on display.
As for the wedding ring…I recently tweeted with Suze Orman about that because I was considering selling it. Suze said to get rid of it “as fast as a New York minute” and implied that there is really no point in holding onto it, even for sentimental reasons. I think that’s good advice, especially because I’d like to get married again and will get an even better ring one day.
Suze suggests getting rings appraised and selling them outright…Don’t go to a pawn shop because they will totally rip you off!
Mydria´s last blog ..The Invisible Woman – Halloween Costume Success!
Mydria: I’m loathe to disagree with Suze Orman – WOW! I will tell you what I did with my engagement ring. It languished in a drawer for longer than I care to tell despite my constant cash crunch. Don’t ask why but, just like @Susan, I just did not know what to do with it. I was chatting with an elderly gentlemen on an airplane about my ring (very modest – but flawless). He took a paper napkin and sketched out a pinky ring. Might sound a bit “Sopranos”, but I saved up and had the ring made. I wear it constantly. My daughter loves it – of course, it will eventually belong to her.
My wedding dress and my brides maid dress collection got donated to a kindergarten dress up box. None of these dresses got “preserved” so they were way past useful. At the time, I working as a school psychologist and, believe me, the fledgling kindergarten teacher was overjoyed. I couldn’t bear seeing my own little girl “dressing up” in my wedding gown. Of course, it was a bit weird to see my wedding dress flash by my office door from time to time, but, honestly, it did make me laugh.
Twitter @ desiree_allen
I still have everything, mostly just for the fact that I don’t know what to do with it. I did try to sell my gown, but had no success.
Desiree´s last blog ..Collecting ringtones
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
Desiree: I’m amazed there were no takers for your wedding dress. Even on a big site, like Craig’s List?
We’re curious: Have any other folks here sold their wedding rings and/or dresses? (Men, that goes for you, too!.. Okay, maybe not the dress part)
Twitter @ http://www.singlemomsaves.com
Dr. Leah – I like what you did with the ring. My mom did something similar with her, and I didn’t realize that it was actually her wedding ring until about 4 years ago. She had the band melted down to an abstract shape with the diamond in the middle, and she wore this as a pendant on her necklace. I considered doing the same thing, but I’d rather just get rid of the ring. I guess it’s just my style to purge and move on.
By the way, the dress I kept in my memories box is not my wedding dress…I never really had a real wedding dress anyway. The dress in my box is one I wore to one of the ex’s work holiday parties before I got pregnant. It’s just a reminder of how thin and hot I was back then!
Mydria´s last blog ..Making a List, Checking the Price…
The wedding photos and the CD that they were on were promptly fed to my document shredder after I filed for divorce. I don’t miss them at all, nor do I think my son will miss seeing them in the future.
I have one family photo in the house, it’s in my son’s room on his wall.
The wedding ring is still sitting in my jewelry box. I keep meaning to take it to a jeweler and have it transformed into something else but don’t have any ideas on what I would specifically like to have done to it. Haven’t yet been inspired.
Sunny´s last blog ..Strength
Ring went out the window while driving after she informed me she had slept with someone else. Wedding album is in storage for my girls when they get older. Good times.
Coachdad´s last blog ..What do you want to know?
Twitter @ YOC8040
Garbage.
Cat´s last blog ..Friday Fragments
Sunny: Welcome to Singlemommyhood. The inspiration for your wedding ring will likely hit you one day. You mentioned something we totally overlooked . . .the wedding video. Thanks for adding to your conversation.
Coachdad: Hmmm . . . out the window. Totally understandable given the circumstances. *Ouch*
Twitter @ Kellisue
My dress is in the BACK of my daughters closet. I forgot about it till today actually when I was pulling some bigger dresses out for her & I saw a flash of white. It stung but thought to myself I need to get rid of that before my b/f purposes… we went and looked at rings this past week. Eek! & I still have my rings & HIS! Yah he left me while I was pregnant & left his ring on the kitchen counter. They both sit in the back of a drawer in my bathroom & have for 1.5yrs …I want to sell them but never seem to find the time.
Kelli Stephenson´s last blog .."I have the best…"
Twitter @ Kellisue
Oh I shredded all the pictures. I have a few on my comp HD for my daughter when she is older but no hard copies.
Kelli Stephenson´s last blog .."I have the best…"
Twitter @ http://littleskoolgirl.blogspot.com/
Oh my. I haven’t figured out what to do with all that stuff!
With my wedding dress – I’ve toyed with the idea of a project runway-esque solution by having it made into a new dress that I could wear for the next phase in my life. Sort of like a transformation…
I also love the idea of taking the ring and making it into something new as well. I never want to forget my marriage, but I do want to learn from it – that’s what it would feel like for me. A badge of honor, really, for my lessons learned.
As for my photo album – for sure, I will be saving it for my daughter. She’s very sentimental, and loves pictures.
StudentMama´s last blog ..I told me so…You told me so
Twitter @ MsV1959
Um. Let’s see. It’s under the bed. And, the only reason it’s under the bed is because it’s certainly not a *coffee table* book. Someday my kids may want to look at it.
I recently looked through it for pictures of my wedding planner. Just found out she had an 8 year affair with my ex-husband.
We’ve been divorced since March.
So yeah, I was looking for it.
Ms. V´s last blog ..Water, draining from a bathtub
After I moved out I packed a box of some of my ex-wife’s clothes and things I fond intermingled with mine. I slipped all the wedding pictures in with those. I figured I’d let her handle the baggage.
My dad kept his wedding album. He passed it down to me, and I have it in storage. My mom would shit a brick if she found out I have it, but it’s my family history, and it’s my right to have it.
My aunt dyed her wedding dress black and wore it out to an event.
Sandra´s last blog ..Mistress Senorita is back !
Twitter @ http://avigail74.blogspot.com
Even as a 35 year old woman, I still love looking at the photo album of my parent’s wedding. They looked so young, jovial and full of hope. They were both so beautiful. I’ve been looking at this album for 32 years…
Unfortunately, I’m a divorced woman. I kept my wedding album and video for my daughter. We are her parents–still—even after a very painful divorce. I think I owe it to her to give her the album—where there are plenty of pictures of both sides of her family.
The dress, left it at a consignment shop–despite the many phone calls to have me come and get the dress that is simply not selling. Yes, I had I hard time selling it and didn’t want that THING in my closet. There are, however, some guilty feelings for not keeping the dress for my daughter—she is upset with me for giving it away instead of saving it for her. I simply saw the dress as bad luck.
The ring. Sold is very quickly—I needed the money very badly! No guilt there!
Avigail74´s last blog ..Gypsy Family
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
Wow, @Sandra, what a story! Your aunt dyed her wedding dress black and wore it out. What a statement!
@Avigail: Just tonight, I was showing my parents wedding photos to my daughter. It’s true that this means a lot for future generations. It’s amazing that your daughter wants the dress. Such a savvy girl!
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
Ms. V: Have you written about that? Your ex-husband had an affair with your wedding planner? You can’t make that stuff up… Oh, darling!
My dress is still hanging in the closet with the tags on it, I wanted to remember how much I paid for it. Not sure what to do with it. It’s formal not the typical wedding dress. I don’t think of it so it doesn’t bother me.
My pictures are still in a box, I just don’t have to worry about scrapbooking them now.
As far as the ring, its gorgeous and can’t bare to part with it. If I married again I’d want the same one, so I figured I’d save it for my son if he wanted.
Wedding album is in the attic waiting for the time my boys ask about them.
My wedding dress was cut up and used in several mixed media art pieces I did. Sold every piece!
Guess I made money off my dress one piece at a time.
Our rings were given to our sons. I have two boys to give two rings to.
One boy was “dad’s boy” and he chose my ring. The other was “mom’s boy” and he chose his dad’s ring.
I think I will always wonder why they didn’t choose the ring of the parent they had the closest bond with.
Cathy´s last blog ..How Successful Will You be Post-Divorce?
I still have my album…it’s on a bookshelf with some other albums. I can honestly say it really hasn’t crossed my mind. I did however BURN the wedding dress… HA!
~gabi
Gabi´s last blog ..H1N1 10/23/09
Twitter @ canadianbaldguy
I never actually had a wedding album made. My ex and I just put all of the pictures on the computer.
I haven’t deleted them…they’re still stored on an external hard drive. I don’t look at them or anything, but I figure the wedding and the wedding party were the ONLY good things about the marriage (pretty bad, eh?), so I don’t want to delete the only good thing that came out of the entire ordeal.
Well…next to our son, obviously. Heh…
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog ..Halloween ‘09
The dress was on craigslist for quite awhile, and I finally threw it in with the charity stuff when the boy and I moved to our new house. (I did sell the veil, though. And it was to a woman who was re-marrying her ex!)
I’m taking the ring to a jeweler to sell back (possibly tomorrow!). Thought about designing an F-you ring, but I don’t even want the gold/diamonds he bought – blech. I’ll buy myself a ring if and when I wanna.
The album is in a box with a few other wedding things for the boy when he wants it. Doubt he ever will. His dad is slowly fading out of the picture (no pun intended)…
Our wedding album is still in tact—in a drawer for when my daughter is older and wants to see the pics. But definitely not on display or even discussed.
I am saving my dress only because it was beautiful and she may want it some day (her call, otherwise I’ll get rid of it then), and as for my ring I’m going to do for my daughter exactly what my mom did for me; have the diamond made into a pendant and hung on a chain as a keepsake.
Dress…well, he’s active duty and was coming back to the states in the midst of the divorce so I had to move…I left the dress, veil(that his mother had guilted me into wearing-it was from her 2nd failed marriage), unity candle(that broke when the chaplain was putting it on the holder before the ceremony…yes, the signs were EVERYWHERE that that marriage wasn’t meant to be) all in a trash pile in the master bedroom of the house we’d always dreamed of and never spent a day in together.
My almost 5yo daughter came home today to say “xxxx(his gf) is gonna show me your wedding dress!” Umm…took me a while, but this is definitely in the “creepy” category and I’m not sure what to say.
Ring, engagement, and wedding albums are all in my hope chest until I figure out what to do with them. Irony noted.
Twitter @ Singlemommyhood
@meredith – Under the heading . . .you just can’t make this stuff up. Creepy? Definitely.
Dr. Leah´s last blog ..It’s Christmas break and I haven’t met his kids
I never had a wedding album, just a couple dozen pictures taken by a professional hired by my mom as a wedding present. They’re in a box somewhere with baby pictures and the like. I figure if my children don’t want to look at them when they grow up, maybe their children would like to look at pictures of their grandparent’s wedding someday. After all, the pictures feature aunts, uncles, grandparents, and so on, many of whom are no longer living.