Contest: Spotting red flags when you’re dating
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under All, Dating, Featured
If there’s one quality we love about our readers it’s this: your honesty. We count on you to tell it like it is, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Some of you have dated men who were not honest about their marital status. And some of you discovered big red flags about a boyfriend around the same time you found out you were pregnant.
So, when we checked out this site called Safer Dates, we liked what we saw. The founders — most of whom have backgrounds in martial arts and self-defense — have made it their mission to empower women to date online safely. In addition to posting advice about how to date safely, the site offers background checks to screen for felonies, misdemeanors, sex offender status, and marital status. (To which we say, “Wow!”)
Dating itself can be challenging, but when you’re dating as a single parent, the stakes are even higher. That’s why we’re hoping to kick off a conversation about red flags with a contest. Please leave a comment to answer the following question:
What is your #1 red flag?
Just off the top of your head, let’s hear ‘em!
The winner will receive FIVE background checks free to be used within one year (a $100 value)!
And you don’t have to use the background checks for dating only. You can also screen a potential baby sitter or nanny, housekeeper, handyman, your financial adviser, your daughter’s date, your son’s latest bad influence, an employee….This individual will be screened through national databases for the following:
• Marriage Records
• Sex Offender Status
• Felonies
• Misdemeanors
All you need is his/her full name (first and last) and birthday. If you have a social security number and address that would be optimal, but it is not a requirement.
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This contest is open until midnight PST on July 30th. We’ll pick one winner by Random.org.
(This post has been sponsored because we value this company’s goals — this business has paid a fee to have their work listed here.)
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(Photo courtesy of rvx)
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Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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The first guy I dated after leaving my son’s father was a friend from college. I knew he had assaulted his ex-gf while under the influence, but I thought it was a one-off incident and that he had received treatment. One morning we were in bed and he punched the pillow in frustration. I told him to never bring violence into my house again and he felt bad.
A few months went by and I introduced him to my son, who was two. This guy ate constantly and I couldn’t afford to keep him. He made a sandwich for himself and sat down to eat it. My son said, “can I have some?” and the guy said no. I got mad and said in our house we share. I mean, my son was only two.
Finally, not long after, my son had an ear infection and we spent the day in the hospital waiting room for a prescription. When we finally got out we were all cranky, and this guy made some comment about “spending his holiday looking after someone else’s kid” and I knew it was time to move on.
In the meantime, he was making plans to move in with us, but didn’t tell me until almost the day came. I had to set him straight on that too.
Twitter @ http://gawlas.blogspot.com
Red flags are sometimes situational, but in general, an attitude of being entitled to my time, attention, and stuff is a red flag.
A specific red flag that is an immediate, absolute deal breaker is drug use.
Other red flags are the a history of criminal activities, drunk driving charges, or speeding tickets, and anyone who ever ever ever hit a GF or wife or was charged with domestic abuse is just plain out.
alley´s last blog ..Road tripping
Twitter @ http://singlemommindy.blogspot.com
A big red flag for me – one that I’ve learned the hard way to pay more attention to – is INCONSISTENCY.
Anytime a guy is inconsistent with his actions, especially early on, is a very bad sign.
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..Online Dating Douchebaggery
Twitter @ babydollinga and sisdomviolence
The number one red flag should be his urgency to meet. If he cannot wait- don’t date. Typical abuser trait. Rushes the relationship.
I’m always vigilantly looking for the flags. But I usually pay most attention to his follow through. Do his actions match up with his words? If he tells me he something does it happen that way?
I also watch out for what everyone has said. Drug and alcohol abuse being a big thing.
Does he try to assert control over me and my behavior?
Twitter @ writingtosanity
Red flag #1: he keeps a picture of his ex-wife in the nightstand.
Red flag #2: he keeps a picture of his former family unit on the last family trip in the living room.
Twitter @ swatibharteey
Hi
I think I HUGE red flag is the difference between what someone says what what someone actually does…ideally there isn’t a difference, but often there is.
This post is a great reminder to all of us…if I had paid attention to previous red flags, my life would be a ton simpler right now!
Swati
Swati´s last blog ..Single Mom Watches in Horror as Her Local Starbucks is Repeatedly Violated
I dated a guy who’s profile implied that he owned his own business. Then he explained that he was manager of “pro sales” at a home improvement store. Then I found out he just worked at Home Depot, and wasn’t even a manager. Dishonesty is a big red flag.
Twitter @ whitetrashmom80
when I date, I always listen to my intuition and gut feeling. Immaturity is a big red flag to me because it usually consists of poor finances, not having a relationship with their child, and being irresponsible. I don’t waste my time on someone who isn’t up to my personal standards.
Twitter @ MsV1959
I asked my date why he got divorced. He said: breasts. I always buy my wives breasts and they move to California.
So number one red flag? Not owning responsibility for his relationship history. Big problem.
Breasts? Really?
Twitter @ fraizerbaz
Three years ago, I’d begun to date a man I met at church. He’d told me that he’d been married previously two times; once to a young lady whom passed away, and another time to a woman he’d eventually divorced. He also told me that he’d never had any biological children.
When I found out on my own that he’d lied to me (he failed to tell me about a THIRD marriage and his estranged biological daughter) that was the BIGGEST red flag I’d ever seen.
In life I’ve learned that people who lie about SMALL thing are most likely to lie about important things. People who lie about important thing are always going to protect their own interests before yours, and look out for themselves first, before looking out for others.
My single biggest red flag would be a man who is “too good to be true”. Many unworthy men that you later find to be abusive or losers of some sort often come across as “too good to be true” at first. They know if you know the real truth up front that they probably won’t get the date.
Biggest red flag for me was the guy I was seeing told me he wasn’t married, but we never went to his place for 6 mo of dating and his calls and texts were almost always during working hours. Yes, come to find out, he was married.
Twitter @ tailgatingtimes
From a guy’s point of view…biggest red flag:
Saying “I love you” before you even get to know me. It happened several times when I was dating. Sometimes by the third date.
Complaining about everything doesn’t work either. Relationship starts off fast and she thinks I’m “perfect” then slowly more and more complaints come about everything from my hair to my job.
I think for anyone a red flag should be not making time for each other once there’s a connection. In dating, silence isn’t always golden.
Twitter @ tiiajoneslove
These are all really good ideas, and many that are on my personal list as well. But one that I don’t see is people who are “English-impaired.” I have found that it usually translates to a carelessness and a general lack of intellect which makes it difficult to communicate. If they can’t use apostrophes correctly, misuse “your” and “you’re,” say “brang” “gots” or “sangwich,” they are out.
Tiia Jones´s last blog ..Dating Raj Guest Post