So, when this single mom posted about a worrisome co-parenting dilemma, we knew we could count on YOU. Here’s the situation: This single mom has a three-year-old daughter who has had overnight parenting time with her dad since she was six weeks old. Her ex was physically and emotionally abusive when they were married, although (fortunately), he has shown no signs of abuse towards their daughter.

However, this mom worries that her ex is not actually taking care of their daughter during this weekends. She explains: “My little one is a sleep deprived wreck when she returns. I can’t even pee alone. She cries and has nightmares for a night or two.”

Usually her daughter is glad to see Daddy – at least, at first. Lately, this single mom has detected some obvious ambivalence in her little girl about seeing and speaking to Daddy. Recently her daughter has begun to ask a difficult question: “Why do I have to go see Daddy?” * Sigh*

Not surprisingly, this single mom struggles with how to answer this question. She tells her daughter that Daddy wants to see her. And the judge said he could.  She tries to explain how this situation is out of her hands. Trying to remain positive and upbeat, she tries to convince her daughter that she’ll have fun at Daddy’s house.

After all, this single mom asks (groan): “Isn’t watching TV all day and all night fun?”

We’re solo moms so our kids have never confronted us with this question. It’s SO helpful to get the perspective  of other single parents who face similar co-parenting challenges. So, we’re asking you…

Do your kids ask this particular “Daddy” question?

If so, how do you respond?

~~~

(Photo courtesy of Brooklyn Hilary)

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When we researched a bit further, however,  (bear with us here, beyond the hype) we realized that this story raises some important questions.

You see, 27-year-old Angie Jackson is the single mom of a special needs four-year-old son. She lives in Florida with her boyfriend — and she says that after a difficult and life-threatening first pregnancy her doctors advised her to not get pregnant again.

That’s why Jackson was using an IUD to prevent pregnancy — but it failed. She discovered that she was pregnant when she was three weeks along — which meant it was early enough to choose RU-486, commonly known as the abortion pill. That’s when went on to Tweet about her experience, because she explains, it was her “attempt to demystify abortion for other women.”

What people chose to reveal (or not) is strictly a personal choice. – no judgments @Singlemommyhood.

We do applaud this single mom for talking openly about birth control.

And if you’re a single parent who’s sexually active, you’ve definitely got a birth control plan, right?

On that note, IUDs seem to be a theme lately among women bloggers we follow. Angie Jackson isn’t the only woman blogger talking about birth control out there. Rebecca Woolf from Girls Gone Child posted a series at Babble.com recently about her IUD — and why she hated it.

Then, there’s Martini Mom, the engaged single mom who let her IUD lapse…. and now she’s blogging about expecting a baby with her new partner.

Frankly, we *know* far more about condoms, the Pill, diaphragms … So, we’re honestly more than a little curious.

Have you ever used an IUD? Are you using one now?

Do you love it or hate it? (Or somewhere in between?)

Do you recommend this birth control method to your friends?

Of course, Dads, we’d love to hear your thoughts on this one, too.

~~~

(Photo courtesy of Liz Henry via Flickr)

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Do you also share this co-parenting challenge, too?

We’ve heard from many of you that the “other parent” is a  more like a playmate than a parent. So, we took notice when a single mom @Twitter complained that her daughter returns home from the “other parent’s” home looking like she’s been raised by wolves.  YIKES!

Neither of us has any personal experience coping with our kids returning from time with their dads. (Both our kids’ dads chose to not to participate in our  kids’ lives … of course, that’s a different post entirely.) That’s why we’re turning to you.

Likely, many of you are facing this parenting challenge today. As we get back into the swing of the post-holiday routine we’re wondering:

Do your kids arrive home from the other parent’s house dirty, disheveled,  and out of sorts?

If so, how do you cope?

Or does the “other parent” maintain the routines you’ve worked so hard to establish?

Did you simply agree without much conversation?

Or did you negotiate compromises with your ex?

~~~

Thanks to @mssinglemama and @Tisti via Twitter for inspiring this post.

(Photo courtesy of Corey Ann Photography via Flickr)

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If you’re not following us at Twitter, please do! (@singlemommyhood).

This is what inspired us to host a BEST single parent sex advice, Twitter-style: we’ve connected with so many fabulous people, learned so much — and definitely had fun.

Twitter-style?

We’d like to see your sex advice for single parents in “Twitter” format. In other words, all entries need to be in 140-characters or less.

We encourage you to be funny, informative, helpful, and even snarky. (But please keep it polite: no crude or offensive language. Thanks!)

If you’re on Twitter, please include your Twitter name in the comments! We’ll be Re-Tweeting your advice while this contest runs.

So, what’s in it for YOU?

Eden Fantasys is giving away two Illume™ velas de casa candles: to one single mom and one single dad.

This candle is made out of soy and burns for 50 hours. (Soy burns cleaner than your typical paraffin candle, which is made with petroleum.) Mmmm. Perfect for some alone time, or…??

~~~
The contest is open through Sunday, Aug. 23. We look forward to reading your  Tweets!

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This weekend when I went out to dinner, I was floored.

The family at the next table — a mom with her two tween daughters — ordered their meals and immediately pulled out their iPhones.

I tried not to stare, but each one of them was tap-tap-tapping away. They didn’t talk to each other or even look up. Everyone was in her own virtual world. Only when the meals arrived did they look up. But they’d placed their iPhones strategically next to their plates.

So, the next morning I buzzed our own Dr. Leah, aka the Sanity Fairy.

Here’s what I wanted to know: Is this the direction I’m heading with my own family? I believed my tween daughter needed a cell phone for safety — and my own peace of mind.

Now I’m worried: Is this “starter” cell phone a gate way to what looked to me like full blown Internet addiction?

Here’s what Dr. Leah said:  “I’m not sure that ‘addiction’ is an apt description or a realistic worry. The hallmark of addiction is secrecy. And there’s nothing secret about this familiar scene.”

It’s so tempting to think that technology has revolutionized everything. But honestly, some things about family life never change.

Here’s what I mean: When I was a kid my mother would occasionally (when my father wasn’t home for dinner) allow my sister and me to read a book at the dinner table.  And we’d all read in companionable silence.

But, my mother encouraged conversation. She’d ask about what we were reading or if we liked whatever she had cooked. In other words, my mother made an effort to connect with us.  And my sister and I were expected to respond.

As a parent, I made the same effort and expected the same civility from my own kids. But other parents make different choices.  Therefore, they experience different outcomes. It’s really just that simple.

So, is this really addiction? Not really. Moreover, the culprits are not iPhones, Twitter, Facebook or anything else.

It really comes down to our own parenting choices — and the behavior we model for our own kids.

Frankly, I’m still wondering if any of you worry, too.

Are you struggling with parenting choices and technology?

What efforts have you made to keep real conversation flowing with your kids?

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For the record, Twitter didn’t grab our attention right away.

After all — or so we thought — it’s enough to keep up with the minutiae of our own lives. Who needs to get bogged down with meaningless trivia from a host of strangers?

Soon enough, however, we noticed that tweeting while dating had become the latest dilemma on the dating scene. (How rude, right?) Talk about texting-out-of-control. Just another distraction for the tech obsessed, right?

Well, we were wrong.

As it turns out, our Twitter account has become a huge part of our Singlemommyhood community: we’re making new friends, keeping connected, and finding out instantly about things that matter to us.

So, it wasn’t long before our thoughts turned to Twitter romance.

We wondered: Can you Tweet for love?

In other words, can Twitter help you discover what you want and need in a relationship?

Here’s how we tried to answer this question, in this recent Tweet we sent out:

“Please DM  us, single parents: In 140 characters, describe your ideal future relationship. Can’t wait to hear what you have to say!”

Within a few hours, many Tweeters wrote back to us!!

Here’s just a few which resonated with us:

@SingleMomSays:

“Healthy emotionally spiritually & physically. Evolving loving caring understanding challenging exciting passionate respect”

~~

@shamrox7:

“Give/give sums it up. Both people giving all to the other w/o worry bc they know they’ll get it back. Hard to sum up my theory in 140…”

~~~

@AmySueNathan

“Cool, cute single Jewish dad. Hairy chest a plus but not a dealbreaker.”

~~

@mommy2jl:

“Mutual respect – between us and between him and my child. Flexible, balanced and understanding.”

~~

@SandyGerber

“5 essential characteristics, love for my/any children, be best friend, financially independent, creative and self educating”

~~

We know that many of you are NOT on Twitter.

So, please tell us in 140 characters (or less), how would you describe your ideal future relationship?

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It has gotten really bad over here.

Ever since I started to work as a newspaper reporter, I’ve been glued to a computer (I had to! It was my job.) Now that I have a laptop and an iPhone, I’m always “hooked up.”

My iPhone wakes me up every morning (the harp alarm!), and before I get out of bed, I’m checking my email. I do wait until I’m having my coffee to check Twitter and Facebook. And I’ve never Tweeted on a date. But still.

Not a weekend passes without checking the Internet.

For something super special — like traveling to New York City with my kid –  sure, I’ll take a breather. But going ALL weekend without checking in? Definitely not. (And, yes, this has gotten on my new guy’s nerves!)

I’m not alone. Parenting.com recently highlighted “Why moms are at risk for Internet addiction.

Of course, I’ve been buzzing back and forth on this topic with Dr. Leah. She told me that psychologists have been hotly debating about Internet addiction.  Should it be an official diagnosis like alcohol dependency? Yikes!

It’s so easy to see how this all starts. Loneliness, isolation, and hay wire schedules typically plague new moms. You can log into message boards and blogs 24/7 ( a welcome diversion from drool, spit-up, and worse!) At least when you post a comment, someone is listening to what you have to say.

Still… do you — like me? — “check” every time the new message beep sound? Do you get a bit  cranky when you’re caught in a no-Internet black hole?

We’re still figuring this out ourselves, so we’d love to know if you’re also prone to plugging in and zoning out.

Do you ever secretly worry that your Internet activity is a habit you’d have a tough time breaking?

Or, do you see your screen time as a harmless diversion?

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Thanks to Facebook, Google, and Twitter, spying on someone you’re dating  just got a whole lot easier.

Tell us the truth:

Have you ever dated someone you’ve met online — and “just for fun” one night when you were alone — you logged online to see what he was up to?

We’re guilty of this. But as you know, trying to snoop on someone through an online dating site just doesn’t tell you very much. Fine, he logged on 24 hours ago, but what does that really mean?

As a single parent who’s out there dating, it’s so tempting to snoop. Don’t you think? We have so little time and energy to get to know someone when we’re dating.

Logging onto Facebook just seems so easy and fast. It’’s like  sneaking a peak in his closet, medicine cabinet, or going through a pile of photographs on his desk.  Maybe you can learn something game changing — say, an impending bankruptcy or the fact that he’s still hot and heavy with his ex? — before you get hopelessly emotionally entangled.

But we can’t help but wonder if this is just freaky, out-of-control behavior.

While Twitter and Google might provide tidbits of information about someone you’re dating, Facebook goes much deeper.

Not only can you see photos (you didn’t tell me you were going to the bar last night!), you can read what others are saying (why did that woman sign that comment to him with “xoxo”?) Moreover, you can access information about someone’s past, through photos and comments.

Social-networking has made snooping so much easier. But are you guilty of taking the plunge?

Recently, Canadian academics analyzed the scope of snooping in a psychology survey of 308 Facebook users.

The more time that people spent on the site, the more suspicious they became of their partners. The women, who spent an average of 41 minutes on the site a day, grew more jealous than the men, who averaged 30 minutes.

It’s ironic: Facebook gives you the chance to announce your relationship status, but in the process, it might be hurting your relationship.

We’d love to know if you’ve ever snooped…. . And where do you draw the line?

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Although Twitter might seem mysterious and complex, really it isn’t. If we can Tweet, anyone can.

In short, Twitter is a mass text-messaging service that allows you to send 140-character updates — called “Tweets” — to lots of people at once. These people are your “followers.”  Some folks get their updates on their cell phones, others read them online.

Tweeting might sound like texting, but the latter is about reaching out to a friend one-on-one to coordinate schedules — or to flirt. Twitter is about promoting yourself in mass volume with witty and succinct updates.

Some people, however, use Twitter to chat quite openly about their private lives. Which brings us to Twitter and sex.

We get the self promotion part (kind of), but we’re just not sure if Twitter should be so, uh, personal.

We’re curious: Do people “tweet”  while on a date?

Now that we have close to 1,000 followers between us, we’d noticed first hand that some do. How do people mix Twitter with dating?

We’re confused: If a date is “tweeting while dating” (TWD), what’s the message?

Does TWD mean he’s so into you he wants to provide his posse — “followers” — with up to the second info on what you’re doing?

Or are you just being played? Maybe you’re just being used to fuel his burgeoning wittiness?

How would you react if your date tweeted about you in real time?

Maybe tweeting is just the new signal for “bad date.” Or, perhaps this guy doesn’t want to date at all. He just needs some Twitter inspiration, and it’s more fun to Tweet than to actually interact in real time.

If we noticed that a guy was Tweeting repeatedly on a date, we’d peg him as very self-involved. Wouldn’t you?

It would feel like he’s flirting with another woman while out with you — except he’s doing it virtually.

We’re also wondering: if a dedicated Twitter user does not “tweet” on a date, does this mean he senses potential?

If your relationship has potential, then wouldn’t your sex life be a strictly off-limits when the “boys” get together? Or are you simply not tweet worthy?

If you’re a secret from his social networking world, does this mean you are strictly a booty call? Or does tweeting silence signal real relationship potential?

We’d love to know your thoughts on this one. Thanks!

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Important Update:

Chris Brown was among the four fave-rave nominees for best male singer at the 2009 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards, which will be announced on March 28.

Brown was nominated by kid viewers long before his indictment, and fortunately, Brown has withdrawn from the Nickelodeon’s Awards yesterday because of the controversy.

What do you think?

~~~

If you haven’t yet heard, Rihanna, the “Umbrella” star, has reportedly forgiven R&B singer Chris Brown after he allegedly beat her following a pre-Grammy Awards party in Hollywood on February 8.

When we saw the shocking pictures leaked by TMZ — showing her facial injuries — we looked away.

Following the assault, Rihanna reportedly stayed with Chris at Sean “Diddy” Combs’ home in Florida — and they flew back to LA together. This week in LA, Chris Brown will see if the police intend to press charges him. Even if the police do file charges — and then Rihanna chooses not to press the charges — a guilty conviction would be far less likely. Reports are that Rihanna will not press charges.

So, here’s our plea to Rihanna:

Dear Rihanna,

We empathize with any woman — or man — who has been a victim of intimate partner violence.

We’re sorry that this has happened to you.

We know that victims of intimate partner violence suffer more than physical injury. Abusers need to feel in charge of the relationship. Humiliation, isolation, and intimidation are ways abusers seek power and control.

The media attention and constant speculation must make your situation especially difficult.

We understand that you are only 21 years old.

Of course, we hope that you focus on your own needs and keep yourself safe and sane.

But, frankly, with fame comes responsibility: our kids are watching your every move intently.

Reuniting with Chris Brown sends the clear message that you plan to forgive and forget the violence inflicted on you and stay with Chris.

As it stands, your message to your legion of “tween” fans is this: if a boy hits or punches you, it’s really okay as long as the guy says he’s sorry and treats you nicely on your birthday?

Say what? For many of our kids, this is their first exposure to intimate partner violence, and they’re taking it pretty hard.

We’re asking you: what do we tell our kids who are upset and worried about you?

We’re very concerned that this was not the first violent incident and  it won’t be the last.

~~~

When it was announced that you were back with Chris Brown,” a young man on Twitter asked, “Do we have another Whitney tragedy in the making?”

Doesn’t it scare you even a little bit that many of your fans foresee inevitable tragedy?

As experts, we know that abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They blame their abusive and violent behavior on an unhappy childhood, a career setback, and even on the victims of their abuse.

We’re worried that you’re back with Chris Brown because he has managed to convince you that what happened was your own fault.

Likely, Chris is on his best behavior — for now. This incident has cost him big time.

He has been dropped from the advertising campaigns for Wrigley’s gum and the Milk Mustache. His advisers fear that his career could be devastated,  if Chris is found guilty.

Rihanna’s spokesman refused to comment on reports that the singer is pregnant.

Please listen to us.

Los Angeles has many highly qualified psychologists with specialized training and experience working with women who have been victimized by intimate partner violence.

Find someone with whom you feel comfortable and can trust to help you sort out what has happened. Don’t allow anyone to convince you that a Dr. Phil interview or other media “tell all”  is going to help you.

It won’t. It will just exploit you further. 

Plainly said,  please get the psychological help you need to survive.

We care about what happens to you.

Readers, are you with us here?

Photo of Rihanna from PRphotos.com

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